We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Panties = found
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
