the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
