I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
