just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
