I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
