whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
