Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You smell like stripper and shame
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
