just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
