Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
