His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
