You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
