I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
