I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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