well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
