the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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