No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
