Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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