i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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