he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
