Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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