i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
