there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
