Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
