as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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