We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
