I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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