This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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