And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
