There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
