Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
