I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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