I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
