oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This house was built for laser tag.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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