hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
