I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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