the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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