Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
