FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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