anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
