she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
