When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
