guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
