When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
