My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
