So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
