I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
