I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
