I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
