she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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