We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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